Ok so Bill isn't a witch or whatever he's just THE KING (of Louisiana) and I guess the Vampire King somehow has some investment in the witch business. BUT OMG the FLASHBACK. Punk Rock Bill Compton, be mine.
GUESS WHO LOOKS HOTTER WEARING EYELINER
Jason gets kidnapped by the white trash werewolves and Crystal is all "I found a way for us to be together forever" and LORD KNOWS that phrase never means anything good. Seriously. If someone ever says that to you, I recommend fleeing the state and living off the grid. Or at least stop posting your location on FourSquare. It's not romantic, it's creepy. Trust.
Sookie is all peeved about being "owned" by Eric even though he fixed her shoddy screen door and bought her a new microwave. I know, that statement is completely anti-feminist, I'm just saying him being a landlord hasn't put a damper on ANYTHING yet, so what's the problem? Pam's words of wisdom, "With what you ARE, fairy princess, you need to be SOMEBODY'S or you won't be. At all. Eric is handsome, he's rich, and in his own way, he cares about you. He really does."
PREACH, PAM. (ps. lulz fairy princess)
We see Sophie Anne's death and then it gets into vampire politics etc etc. Honey badger dun care.
Coven scene: Why is Tara reading Good Housekeeping?
Crystal and the PANTHER scene: They have to eat his abs to convert him? That blows. He had great abs.
And then the best part of this episode: AMNESIA ERIC